Analytical Writing

Issue Essay Sample Essays and Assessments Issue Essay 1

What follows are top-scoring sample essays for each of the practice tasks. Note how the authors adhere to the Kaplan Method for Analytical Writing.

Essay 1: “Outstanding,” Score of 6

Perceptions of greatness in national and political leaders are largely determined by the seriousness of the problems that they face during their terms in office. Most national histories principally highlight individuals in the context of significant events in which the leaders played important roles. Most political leaders need to have large stores of inherent skill and ability just in order to become a political leader. However, history remembers those who lived in great times more fondly than those who did not. Examples of this are numerous and include the histories of Abraham Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson, and Winston Churchill—all people who are perceived as great leaders largely because of the times in which they lived.

Abraham Lincoln is often considered the greatest of all the American presidents. His image graces two units of the currency, and he has one of the largest monuments built in his honor in Washington, D.C. However, Lincoln is considered great largely because he faced a great challenge—the civil war between the North and the South in the 1860s. Lincoln led the United States to victory over the rebels and reunited the country and is therefore considered an impressive leader. This is not to say that Lincoln was not skilled. Many know that he was born in a log cabin and progressed to law school and eventually to the presidency. He was also a skilled orator. However, another man, James Buchanan, also was born in a log cabin, went to law school, gave good speeches, and ascended to the presidency, yet there are no monuments to Buchanan in the capital or pictures of his face on the five-dollar bill.

Woodrow Wilson was another talented person who ascended to the presidency of the United States. However his talents are not what make his perceived greatness. In this age, few remember whether Wilson was particularly smart, a very good speech maker, or a good arbitrator. Most remember that he led the United States to victory in the first World War and therefore perceive him as an effective leader. At the time, however, Wilson was rather unpopular. In fact, he had so little sway with Congress that he was unable to get the United States to join the League of Nations—a fact that many claim helped lead to the second World War.

Winston Churchill was another person whom history views favorably because of the incredible challenges that he faced. However, Churchill was not very popular with the British public before World War II, nor did he impress a future US president. When Franklin Roosevelt first met Churchill, before either was the leader of his respective country, Roosevelt wrote in his diary that the Englishman was full of himself and far too talkative. Early in his term as prime minister, Churchill even faced a no-confidence vote in Parliament. However, the events of World War II accorded him the perception of greatness in the eyes of history.

Many might argue that these individuals and other men and women were already great before history gave them great challenges. While it is impossible to definitely disprove this assertion and they must in fact have had certain skills and abilities—otherwise, they would not have been political leaders—most examples point to the fact that the times make the man or woman. If the presidencies of Buchanan and Lincoln were switched, we would very likely have the Buchanan memorial instead. In summary, it is true that the perceived greatness of a political leader is more due to great challenges than superior inherent ability. The historical examples of Lincoln, Wilson, and Churchill bear this out. All were talented, but so too are all political leaders. Only the leaders that live in eventful times are remembered as great.

Assessment of Essay 1

This essay is particularly well constructed; the author begins by discussing the qualities of political leaders and how they are presented in history books. He asserts his position, “people . . . are perceived as great leaders largely because of the times in which they lived” clearly and effectively and previews the three examples he will use to support this idea. He proceeds to support his position with compelling evidence, drawing on his knowledge of three historical figures who are, by consensus, regarded as great. He is particularly effective in contrasting the example of Lincoln with that of Buchanan, who had a similar background but served as president under less trying circumstances. The writing is largely clear and direct, with skillful use of diction and few errors. For all these reasons, this essay receives a score of 6.

Issue Essay 2

Essay 2: “Outstanding,” Score of 6

Keeping up with global progress is, doubtless, a desirable attribute of any society. However, to purport that the reasons certain societies may not progress at the same rate as “great” societies are their reluctance to break out of their comfort zone and their fear of the unknown is to present an overly simplistic view. Such a view does not take into consideration the set of economic, political, and cultural constraints that affect every society’s ability to progress on a global scale.

Before exploring these constraints, it would be useful to examine the use of the word “great” in the above context. The concept of what makes a society great is highly subjective; some may equate greatness with military might or economic dominance, while others would emphasize cultural achievement or progress in care for less privileged citizens. Whatever one’s definition of greatness, however, it is ludicrous to suggest that any society actively rejects the desire to be great. Many societies face the seemingly insurmountable struggle to maintain societal structure in the face of economic need or political upheaval; the desire for greatness can emerge only when a society’s basic structure is intact.

Societies facing severe economic challenges are virtually unable to progress in areas such as medicine, military power, and agriculture even if they want to do so. Countries like Bolivia use a majority of their limited resources to maintain the status quo of their largely agrarian society. Bolivian farmers are not afraid of the unknown or passively content with their current situation, but are using all of their resources to sustain their families and maintain the social structure of their villages. Given this situation, the luxury of advancements in medicine, technology, and military power is simply not possible.

Also, societies embroiled in political upheaval, such as South Sudan, are unable to send their young and talented members to university where they can spearhead progress; the most vigorous segments of the population are required to serve in the military or to care for their families through difficult economic and political times. Maintaining societal coherence amid chaotic conditions engenders a lack of progress, as it is generally measured, but as we have seen throughout time, episodes of great drama in any given society can yield important works of art. One such example is Albert Camus’ The Stranger, written during the French Resistance. Another, more current example is They Poured Fire on Us from the Sky, Benjamin Ajak’s autobiographical novel about Sudanese boys fleeing that country’s civil war.

Another point to consider is that, in some cases, an entire society’s cultural history, including its artistic contributions, is preserved only through its living members’ rich oral tradition and their active rejection of change in the realms of technology and science. This is evident when considering the Amish, whose motivation for using horse-drawn buggies and refusing access to the Internet lies, not in fear or discomfort, but in a conscious desire to sustain a traditional way of life that they find sometimes difficult but always valuable.

In conclusion, to devalue a society that is not among the most progressive in the world is to discount the contributions a so-called “unprogressive” society can make, such as artistic and cultural expression unique to that society. Progress is a valuable tool for the advancement of a society, but blindly reaching for greatness can lead to a society’s downfall just as much as ignoring it altogether can. The balance between accepting a society’s constraints and highlighting its strengths is what will ultimately lead to a society’s greatness.

Assessment of Essay 2

This is a particularly insightful essay. The argument developed in this essay asks the reader to question certain presuppositions about what constitutes “greatness” as the term is applied to a society. Instead of merely answering the question of whether the progress of society is hindered by clinging to traditional views and obsolete ways of thinking, the essay forces the reader to reconsider what progress actually entails. Thus, the essay has the potential to elicit the cultural bias of the reader and force him to confront it. The author challenges the received notions of “great” and “progress” as “an overly simplistic view.” From there, she proceeds to defend her position by examining different cultural contexts and how we might understand “greatness” within those contexts. The essay is well constructed; the author begins by providing examples of how greatness must be understood contextually. She then adds several examples, such as French and Sudanese novels, to illustrate greatness produced under conditions that would seem to block progress of any sort. The writing is clear and direct, contains few errors, and reveals skillful use of diction. For all these reasons, this essay receives a score of 6.

Argument Essay Sample Essays and Assessments

What follows are top-scoring sample essays for each of the practice prompts. Note how the authors adhere to the Kaplan Method for Analytical Writing.

Essay 1: “Outstanding,” Score of 6

The city council of Smithville believes that increasing the visibility of its police force will reduce crime and increase the safety of its citizens. However, the memo provides no evidence to support this argument, and the city council may not be taking other variables, alternative solutions, or the citizens’ desires into consideration.

The Smithville city council assumes that crime persists because the city’s police force has too low a profile, but the memo never cites evidence to support this position. The council could do something as simple yet effective as asking the town librarian to review published studies to see whether a parallel exists between a high police presence and reduced crime rates. It could also hire an independent research firm to determine whether a correlation exists between Smithville crime scenes and a lack of police activity.

The council should consider other factors that might account for the current crime rate. The police force may be undertrained or poorly managed. If so, adding more officers or encouraging officers to work longer hours could actually compound the problem. Here again, research could be a vital ally in the council’s case: What have other towns with similar problems identified as causal factors? What training do their police forces receive? How are they deployed, on foot or in patrol cars? Answering questions like these might help clarify a solution to the town’s problem. The council should also research historic solutions to the problem: How have towns like theirs reduced a growing crime rate? This research could bolster the council’s position or uncover alternative, less costly solutions to crime-fighting.

The council also assumes that a higher police presence automatically reduces citizen concerns over crime, but it doesn’t take into consideration the relationship between the residents and the police. Some communities regard police officers with a great deal of distrust, and that attitude may be pronounced in a community where the police force is perceived as unable to cope with crime. Has the community itself, through its elected leaders, the police chief, op-ed pieces in the newspaper, or community groups, expressed a need for a stronger police force? The memo never says.

As it currently stands, the Smithville city council’s memo announces a recommendation that appears to have been made in a vacuum. To convince citizens that bolstering the police force and changing patrol procedures is the way to fight crime, the memo needs to state how the council arrived at this decision. Only then can citizens feel that the council is taking the right course of action.

Assessment of Essay 1

The author successfully identifies and analyzes this argument’s recommendation: that the way for Smithville to lower its crime rate and improve citizen safety is to increase police visibility.

In the opening paragraph, the essay restates the argument and then cites its unsupported assumptions. In the following four paragraphs, the author insightfully discusses the assumptions and perceptively suggests what information would help in evaluating the recommendation.

Specifically, the author cites these points undermining the argument:

• The assumption that a higher police profile will lower the crime rate
• The assumption that no other cause exists for the high crime rate but low police visibility
• The lack of research into historically successful alternative solutions (the assumption that no such alternatives exist)
• The assumption that the town’s citizens will agree that the council’s solution is the right one and thus “feel safer”

Throughout the essay, the author uses well-organized paragraphs—each starts with a broad statement followed by supporting statements—and her ideas logically flow from one sentence to the next. She uses succinct diction and alternates complex and simple sentences.

The essay concludes strongly by summarizing the evidence necessary for the council to authoritatively recommend that higher police visibility will reduce crime and increase citizen safety. The essay remains focused and clear throughout, earning a score of 6.

Argument Essay 2

Argument Essay 2 : “Strong,” Score of 5

The author contends that Tusk University should build a new recreational facility to attract new students, and to better serve the needs of its current students. The argument also asserts that this will lead to greater enrollment over the next ten years. While it may prove to be a worthy project, the argument appears to rely on assumptions that lack conclusive supporting evidence. The writer would be well advised to address these issues to make the point of the argument more cogent and convincing.

First and foremost, the writer assumes, without providing any evidence, that recreational facilities will be a significant factor in attracting and serving students interested in Tusk.

This begs the question of the role of recreation and/or athletic facilities in the matriculation and retention of students in institutions of higher learning. In the absence of any reference to the academic mission of the University, or even of the role that the facility might have in attracting, retaining, or helping to fund areas more central to that mission, the writer’s conclusion appears unsupported.

Secondly, the writer assumes, again without citing specific evidence, that the projected doubling of enrollment will by itself lead to an increase in demand for the new recreational facilities proposed. Even if the facilities would indeed be attractive relative to those available off campus, the author has provided no proof that a substantial part of the increased or even current enrollment would be inclined to consider the new facilities an asset to their education. Suppose for a moment that this enlarged commuter-based enrollment turns out to be largely made up of part-time students with jobs and family demands away from the campus. Would such a student body see the new facility as a priority? Would the schedules of such students allow them to take advantage of the improvement?

Finally, the author fails to describe what specific services, programs, and amenities the proposed new facility will provide, how and at what cost relative to facilities available elsewhere these will be made available to the university community, and how the financial burden of both building and operating the new center will be offset. Beyond these issues endemic to the campus setting, the writer presents no overview of the environmental, social, and public relations aspects of the project in a larger context, either intra- or extra-collegiate.

The issues raised here could easily be addressed by providing evidence that backs up the author’s claim. By assembling sufficient and specific demographic and economic evidence to support the argument’s questionable assumptions, the writer may not only be able to overcome the limitations of the current argument, but provide a rationale for the proposal beyond the terms offered here.

Assessment of Essay 2

This essay adequately targets the argument’s unstated assumptions and inadequate evidence. The essay identifies and critiques the gaps in the author’s chain of logic and reasoning that result from assuming the following:

• That recreational facilities will be a significant factor in attracting and serving students interested in Tusk
• That doubling enrollment will by itself lead to an increase in demand for, and presumably in use of, the new recreational facilities

The writer clearly grasps the argument’s central weaknesses. But although the ideas are clear, the essay lacks transitional phrases and is not well organized. The writing feels rushed and lacks proofreading. While the writer demonstrates a better-than-adequate control of language and ably conforms to the conventions of written English, this 5 essay suffers from turgid prose and a lack of the more thorough development of a typical 6 response.

Analytical Writing Practice Set 1: Sample Essays and Assessments

Issue Essay

“Outstanding” Essay (score of 6)

Requiring restaurants to publish nutritional information about their meals, such as fat and calorie content, has its detractors. They say that disclosing the makeup of meals may alarm diners, driving them away and reducing the restaurants’ income. They also balk at the cost of determining these data for every item on the menu. However, the benefits of such a program far outweigh its drawbacks. As noted by the author, such disclosure would let restaurant patrons make informed eating choices, an important consideration given what we know about the significant effects of unhealthy diet on chronic illness and premature death. In addition, providing this information may actually benefit the restaurants in terms of both revenue and public relations.

A healthy diet has been found to contribute to better overall health; studies show, for example, that a healthy diet lowers cholesterol and reduces the risk of heart disease. In contrast, a poor diet, one rich in fat and calories, contributes to obesity and thus to diabetes, heart attack, and stroke. Even some cancers have been linked to obesity. All of these illnesses can be disabling or even fatal to the individual, and all contribute to high health care costs. Because people are eating out with increasing frequency, it makes sense to provide information to guide their food choices in restaurants. People already choose their meals on the basis of whether they want steak or seafood, soup or salad, and mashed potatoes or french fries. Now they will also be able to choose whether to eat healthily or not.

Restaurant owners are understandably concerned that disclosing information perceived as negative could deter people from patronizing their establishment. After all, people go to a restaurant to enjoy themselves, not to read a lecture about grams of saturated fat. If this occurred, not only would these businesses suffer financially, but also people would not benefit from the nutritional information on the menus. This concern is unfounded, however. First, if all restaurants have to comply with the law, no single business will suffer. Second, restaurants would not be at a disadvantage with respect to grocery stores, where almost all the food already has nutritional information on the label; indeed, the law would simply bring restaurants into parity with food stores. Finally, knowing that high calorie counts may reduce their food’s popularity, restaurants may figure out healthier ways to prepare meals, thus attracting more diners and benefiting those same diners.

Determining the fat and calorie content of meals will cost restaurants money initially, but disclosing this information will yield returns over the long term as people will feel confident that they are in charge of their fat and calorie intake. Thus, consumers will have a sense of control and be more likely, rather than less so, to eat at a restaurant. When restaurants become places where people can make informed choices about their health, these businesses will reap the benefit of public good will.

Requiring restaurants to post nutrition information would benefit both owners and patrons. It would have immediate and lasting positive effects on diners who choose to eat healthily. Furthermore, it would instill a sense of control and confidence in diners, who would appreciate knowing what they are eating, thus helping to sustain the trend of dining out more often.

Analyze an Issue Essay Assessment

This essay addresses the task and is well constructed. The essay writer begins by acknowledging arguments against requiring restaurants to disclose nutritional information and then states a clear opinion, expressing support for the stated position and the evidence given in support of it. (“As noted by the author, such disclosure would let restaurant patrons make informed eating choices, an important consideration given what we know about the significant effects of unhealthy diet on chronic illness and premature death.”) The writer proceeds to support that position with compelling evidence about health, business operations, and public relations. The reasons given are logical and supported by relevant examples. The essay addresses the arguments against adopting the proposed regulation throughout, rather than in one paragraph near the end, and that is a perfectly acceptable approach. The writing is clear and direct, with a variety of sentence structure and vocabulary. For all these reasons, this essay receives a score of 6.

Argument Essay

“Outstanding” Essay (score of 6)

Cable Communications Corporation argues that all businesses would realize increased profits from advertising with the cable television company. As evidence for this assertion, the cable company cites the experience of Adams Car Dealership, a recent advertiser. After beginning to advertise with Cable Communications, Adams saw a 15% increase in sales over the previous month. In addition, the car dealership’s customers are more satisfied than average. Although Adams is experiencing some success, the argument for advertising with the cable company is unconvincing because it makes unwarranted assumptions.

To begin with, the argument presupposes that the example of Adams Car Dealership is relevant for other businesses. Car dealerships may enjoy a particular advantage from advertising because car buyers are willing to shop around to make such a major purchase. The same may not be said, for example, of a drugstore. In general, people will pick up aspirin and shampoo at the nearest store, regardless of which stores they have seen advertised, because these products are commodities and cost relatively little. Thus, advertising might be much more effective for a car dealership than for a drugstore or many other businesses. The argument would be more persuasive if it provided examples of different kinds of businesses—those selling big-ticket items and inexpensive items, marketing to retail and wholesale customers, and representing diverse industries.

Moreover, the author assumes a link between Adams Car Dealership’s success and its decision to advertise with Cable Communications, but this linkage is poorly established. Adams’ improved sales could have been due to a seasonal increase in car sales that always happens during that month. Alternatively, perhaps Adams put its cars on sale that month and attracted many customers with lower prices. Or maybe Adams benefited from the great word-of-mouth publicity it garners from its satisfied customers. In addition, the time frame is not definitive: Adams had higher sales in some later 30-day period but not necessarily immediately after it began advertising on the cable channels. Perhaps the company placed ads for some time before any sales increase occurred; it is even possible that the company began advertising, saw a steep sales decline, and then had a 15 percent sales increase that did not bring revenues back to their pre-advertising level. Without more definitive evidence showing that advertising with Cable Communications led to increased sales, and that the sales increase was not due to some other reason, a business owner should be skeptical of the cable company’s claim. Moreover, the claim is that advertising will lead to greater profits, but the evidence is only about Adams’ sales, as though one can assume sales translate into profits. If the cost of advertising exceeded the additional revenues earned, then Adams did not have increased profits.

The promotional text also presupposes that business owners do not have a better option for advertising. The argument is that advertising on these cable channels is “the most effective,” but such a judgment does not hold up if advertising in other media would have been more effective. Perhaps Adams would have experienced even better sales had it advertised in print or online. For business owners to make an informed decision regarding their advertising expenditures, they need to see a comparison between results from advertising with Cable Communications and other marketing activities.

To convince business owners that they should advertise with Cable Communications, the promotional campaign should show that a wide variety of businesses have benefited by advertising with the company. Furthermore, it should show that the success was due to the ads and not to unrelated factors and that profits would not have been even greater had the companies invested their marketing dollars elsewhere. For example, Cable Communications could present data showing that an advertiser had higher sales the 30 days immediately after beginning to advertise and that these sales were higher than for the same period one year earlier. The cable company could also compare its clients’ sales trends to those of other businesses in the same industries. Finally, the data should not be about sales but about the bottom line: profits. After all, advertising costs money, so the return needs to justify the investment.

To conclude, the promotional campaign by Cable Communications turns upon unstated presuppositions. Unless the company provides additional evidence regarding the superior ability of cable advertising to boost profits for companies of different sorts, business owners should find this pitch to advertise with Cable Communications unconvincing.

Analyze an Argument Essay Assessment

The author successfully identifies and analyzes this argument’s main contention: that advertising with Cable Communications will increase the profits of every business.

In the opening paragraph, the essay restates the argument’s conclusion and evidence and then cites its unsupported assumptions. In the following four paragraphs, the author insightfully explains the implications of these assumptions for the argument and perceptively suggests evidence that would strengthen the cable company’s case.

Specifically, the author cites these points undermining the argument:

1. The one-size-fits-all fallacy that all businesses would benefit from cable advertising based on the example of one company
2. The assumption that a 15 percent increase in sales was caused by the advertising and not merely correlated with it
3. The assumption that an increase in sales is equivalent to an increase in profits
4. The assumption that, even if advertising here works well, it is the best marketing strategy

Throughout the essay, the author uses well-organized paragraphs—each starts with a broad statement followed by supporting details—and the ideas logically flow from one sentence to the next. An appropriate use of key words helps the reader follow transitions within and between points. The writing is correct, clear, and concise, using a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary.

The essay concludes strongly by making specific suggestions that would improve the cable company’s argument and then stating that, without such evidence, the argument is unconvincing. The essay remains focused and clear throughout, earning a score of 6.

Analytical Writing Practice Set 2: Sample Essays and Assessments

Issue Essay

“Outstanding” Essay (score of 6)

Scientific journals that charge a subscription or newsstand price should amend this practice to avail the public of results of publicly funded research. The reasoning here is twofold: first, the public’s taxes have paid for all or a part of the research, and second, scientific results should always be readily accessible to all interested parties.

A publicly funded project means, in effect, that the taxpayers own the research and therefore have a right to the results free of charge. Granted, many research projects are funded by a combination of private contributions, institutional grants, and public monies. Even when this is the case, the public should not be punished for being one part of a coalition that may include profit-making groups. Perhaps the research committee will need to include in its duties finding venues to make research results readily available at no charge. The mere fact of public financial support of research, in whole or in part, entitles taxpayers to access to the fruits of that research.

Another reason to let the public see results at no charge is that from a broad philosophical standpoint, people should be allowed access to scientific information. Innovation in the private sector necessitates access to the latest research and technological developments. A result of making such research widely available is that the process of innovation becomes self-sustaining. New discoveries feed new developments in the industry or service sector, which in turn fuel further research. Publishers of scientific journals may respond to such an argument by saying that they need to charge a fee in order to cover their expenses of editing and formatting articles, maintaining the websites where they appear, and printing and mailing hard copies of the journals. With that said, the government and private sponsors of a project should cover these expenses, including them in their budgeted overhead, in the same proportion as their support of the research. Additionally, popular science magazines, using their revenues from advertisers and subscribers, might pay journals for the right to reprint the research for their lay audience, who would appreciate getting a look at academic studies curated for their significance and relevance.

In addition, science is by and large an international endeavor, with new discoveries fueled by cooperation among far-flung researchers, yet scientists in certain oppressive countries are not able to participate in this productive exchange of ideas. For example, scientists in the former Soviet Union were not allowed to read about scientific endeavors outside of the USSR. This enforced ignorance led to decades of wasted money, effort, and time as researchers were unable to learn from others’ mistakes and successes. Scientists in fields from aeronautics to zoology need access to professional journals to stay abreast of cutting-edge information. Ethically speaking, every scientist is charged with nurturing scientific debate and furthering knowledge that will help people. Wider availability of published research will promote more scientific advancement in every corner of the world, helping scientists fulfill their charge.

Some scientists and government officials will undoubtedly refuse to allow sensitive or secret scientific information to be available to the public for free. Indeed, governments should not disseminate research publicly if doing so would compromise national security. However, the research under discussion is what is already published in scientific journals and available, at a price, for public consumption.

In conclusion, scientific journals that charge a subscription or newsstand price are profiting unjustifiably when they publish wholly or partially publicly funded research results. These journals need to adjust this practice for the benefit of the public and other professionals. The public’s taxes have paid for all or a part of the research, and for ethical reasons, research results must be readily accessible to all interested parties.

Analyze an Issue Essay Assessment

From the beginning, the author takes a specific position on the issue and supports it, using strong examples and reasons. The author includes counterarguments, including the potential cost of publication that the scientific journals must foot, thereby addressing both views presented in the prompt. However, the author provides clear rebuttals with powerful supporting evidence. The inclusion of the Soviet example gives a vivid illustration of the consequences of not freely sharing information, and it appeals to the reader’s sense of justice and ethics. Paragraphs are well organized and well developed, and the writer demonstrates a mastery of formal standard English. For all these reasons, this essay receives a score of 6.

Argument Essay

“Outstanding” Essay (score of 6)

The student newspaper article falls short of presenting a convincing argument for eliminating all physical education classes at Altamonte High School and putting more resources into the development of intramural and varsity sports. First, the article’s author relies on a statistic that may not represent the population of students under consideration. Second, the article goes beyond what is supported by the evidence, reaching the drastic recommendation that “Altamonte High should eliminate all physical education classes.”

The author’s primary evidence is a survey in which 65 percent of Altamonte students polled said they participate in sports outside of physical education classes. However, maybe only 100 out of 2,400 students were polled; such a small sample can lead to biased results. Maybe mostly athletes responded to the poll since they were the students most interested in the topic. Or maybe only seniors, who tend to have more intramural and varsity members than freshmen, answered the questions. Notwithstanding these potential problems with the data, the author assumes that the poll respondents reflect the sports participation of the student body.

The author also overlooks the extent to which the 65 percent of polled students participate in intramural, varsity, and community teams, assuming that “participate” equates to getting all the exercise one needs. In fact, some students might be on multiple teams, while others might be on the roster of a team but rarely be selected by the coach to play. Moreover, some positions in some sports require little physical exertion. If the students are soccer forwards or football running backs, they are getting plenty of exercise, but if they are goalies or place kickers, they are getting much less. Sometimes a player is injured and cannot play for a period of time, getting no exercise. Finally, many sports are seasonal, but fitness requires regular exercise year-round.

The article also bases its conclusion in part on an unfounded opinion: Just because some members of sports teams are fit and healthy does not mean that all are. Even if everyone on a team is physically active, there are other dimensions of fitness. The sport might not promote all three of cardiovascular endurance, strength, and flexibility. It is possible that none of these out-of-school activities teach nutrition, personal safety, how to avoid drug abuse and eating disorders, and other physical education goals beyond competition and teamwork.

In addition, the argument assumes that if a majority of people are getting some benefit from a program, then that program is working well enough. Even if 65 percent of all Altamonte students, and not just those who responded to the poll, are participating in extracurricular sports, that may not be satisfactory. After all, physical fitness in youth is highly correlated with an active lifestyle throughout life, and being active is in turn related to a wide range of positive health outcomes. Eliminating physical education classes, as the author suggests, would leave over a third of students without an exercise option, and if they currently eschew sports teams for whatever reason, they may well continue to do so.

In conclusion, the Ram article would be more convincing if more data from the poll were provided to show that the result accurately represents the student body. The argument would also be stronger if more details were given about how active the members of the intramural, varsity, and community teams are (“They stretch for 15 minutes and run for 30 minutes during warm-up”) and whether health and fitness are addressed comprehensively by the coaches in these programs. The author of the article also needs to justify why 65 percent, if this is indeed a valid statistic, is a sufficient proportion of students to justify eliminating the physical education classes on which the other 35 percent rely.

In the absence of such evidence, the school administration should maintain the physical education curriculum rather than eliminate it. However, given students’ potentially broad participation in other activities, research into how those activities could supplement or replace classes during the school day should be conducted. If extracurricular sports teams are in fact sufficient to promote physical well-being in teenagers and if enough students could participate regularly, then the article’s conclusion would warrant serious consideration.

Analyze an Argument Essay Assessment

The author successfully addresses several flaws of the argument in this response, including the potentially faulty or misused statistic and various unsupported assumptions.

The author cites the following evidence as potentially flawed:

• The reliance on poll data that may be biased because the polled students could be a small and/or unrepresentative sample
• The generalization that students who participate in sports teams are healthier and fitter than those who do not
• The illogical conclusion that if something is good for a majority of students, it is sufficiently beneficial for all students

Throughout the essay, the paragraphs are well constructed and support the author’s contention that the argument is flawed.

The essay concludes by suggesting evidence that would improve the article and evaluating the article in terms of the absence or presence of such evidence, thus fulfilling the task stated in the prompt. The suggestions for additional evidence would definitely address the flaws noted and strengthen the argument. The essay maintains focus and clarity throughout, earning a score of 6.